Terry gives us a long list to help us identify when we are defensive. Remember this is a description not an indictment.

To defend ourselves from accepting the consequences of our choices (even a no decision is a choice) we use the following tools;

MANIPULATION

PROJECTION

BLAMING

SHIFTING

INTELLECTUALIZING -GOING INTO OUR HEADS -USING KNOWLEDGE TO CONTROL

AGREEING

DISAGREEING

LEVITY & HUMOR - IF I CAN KEEP PEOPLE LAUGHING / DON'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH MY ISSUES

GRANDIOSITY - "I AM THE GREATEST!"

MINIMIZING - "I'M A WORM."

RAGING - STUFFED

ANGER GONE SOUR

PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE -LIKE THE ST. BENARD LICKING YOUR FACE AND PEEING ON YOUR SHOES

IGNORING - "DOING" SILENCE FOR CONTROL

SEDUCING

LYING

REVERSING - ANSWER A QUESTION WITH A QUESTION

ARROGANCE

BULLYING & THREATENING

LEAVING

HELPLESSNESS - "POOR ME."

PITIFUL

UNPREDICTABILITY

ARGUMENTATIVE