What does denial sound like?

Do any of these or similar statements sound familiar?


'Things aren't that bad...''

"Things are better than they used to be ..."

l'I’m willing to settle for..."

"I can’t..."

'It's someone else's fault..."

"If only you would..."

"He, she, it or they made me feel this way…”

"It's hopeless..."

"Fix me, I can't help myself..."

"You made me be like this..."

'I’d be all right if only you..."


Many of us in recovery use repression as well as denial.


1.         We push our thoughts and feelings out of awareness because of fear and guilt.

2.         We become afraid to let ourselves be who we are.

3.         We appear rigid and controlled.

4.         We ignore problems or pretend they aren’t happening.

5.         We pretend circumstances aren’t as bad as they are.

6.         We tell ourselves things will be better tomorrow.

7.         We stay busy so we don’t have to think about things.

8.         We get confused.

9.         We get depressed or sick.

10.       We go to the doctors and get tranquilizers.

11.       We become workaholics.

12.       We spend money compulsively.

13.       We over eat.

14.       We pretend those things aren’t happening, either.

15.       We watch problems get worse.

16.       We believe lies.

17.       We lie to self.

18.       We wonder why we feel like we’re going crazy.


Does that sound anything like you? Does it HAVE TO stay that way? NO!!! Are you in relationship with someone that fits the description? Can you change other people? NO!!!


If you ever try to fix anyone else's denial it will lead to crazy making and at least frustration. Each of us must face our own denial for ourselves. No one can do it for us. Is it frustrating to be able to see other's faults they ignore? You bet! That's why one of the first rules to learn in recovery is to keep one's eyes own one's own plate. We need to mind our own business. Sounds un-Christian not to help take the sliver out of our brother's eye. But we are admonished in scripture and recovery literature only to be concerned about the stick in our eye. And in neither are we told to go after the sliver even after we take care of our stick.

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© Luther Case